This is Andrea. The first day she waited on me she asked me to stop talking to the television because I was scaring her. I explained that I was just trying to help the umpires with the calls they had made the day before. Not sure that helped but eventually we worked things out.
Anyway, I like to be generous with my friends on the wall and a couple of weeks ago Mitch in return said, "Here, Kenny, give this necklace to your girlfriend," which we both knew to mean one of the scintillating beer wenches whom I hopelessly worship and desperately overtip because they delight my eyes and wit both.
What to do? I could not give it to any of many beloveds at Spazio because I had already given a necklace to one of them and she is Brazilian and...no no no. My very existence angers her, I don't need to get caught two-timing her on necklaces.
Then it came to me. Andrea! I do not party like I used to and even when I catch her shift I am only good for a round so she was out of mind but then I remembered...Andrea! Andrea was perfect, a truly gorgeous girl and friend who did not work with the Braziilian.
Back into Dirty Blondes I go and I catch Andrea's eye and she asks what she can get me and I say a Cap'n and Coke and that I have something for her. When she swings back with my drink I slide the necklace across the bar.
"One of the guys on the wall...", I start.
"Did Mitch make this?", she interrupts.
Damn. I don't think she even knows my name.
"Andrea wants to get you something," I am saying to Mitch a few minutes later.
"I'll have a sandwich," Mitch says.
"I don't know. The turkey club?", guesses I when Andrea reads me the options.
"This is from Andrea," I am saying ten minutes later.
Damn. Andrea was supposed to be my girlfriend in this story and now I am the delivery guy from Papa John's pizza. And Mitch does not even give me a tip.